Why Play is So Hard for High-Achieving Women

If you've spent any time in therapy spaces or mental health conversations online, you may have heard the phrase "inner child work." While this concept can mean different things to different people, at its core it invites us to reconnect with parts of ourselves that may have been neglected for a long time. These include our capacity for curiosity, creativity, play, and joy.

For many of the women I work with, this can be surprisingly difficult. They are often incredibly capable: they know how to accomplish goals, meet expectations, care for others, and keep moving forward. But when it comes to doing something simply because it feels good — without a purpose, outcome, or achievement attached — it can feel uncomfortable.

Many of us have learned to value productivity over everything else. We are praised for being responsible, driven, and dependable. We learn that our worth comes from what we accomplish, how much we contribute, and how well we take care of everyone around us. So when someone says, "Make more time for play," it can actually bring up resistance:

Play, when there are things to finish?

Rest, when there are people who need me?

Joy, when I haven't earned it yet?

But play is not frivolous. It is an essential part of being human.

Even in some of the deepest therapy work I do with clients, there is often room for laughter. Healing is not only about examining pain, understanding patterns, and processing difficult experiences. It is also about reconnecting with the parts of ourselves we’ve disconnected from.

Take a moment to consider your relationship with play. Do you move your body because it brings you joy, or only because it feels like something you "should" do? Do you make time for creativity, like cooking, painting, music, decorating, exploring, making something just because you enjoy it? Do you spend time with people who allow you to relax and be fully yourself? Do you have spaces in your life where you are not performing, achieving, or taking care of someone else?

If you feel resistance to these questions, that makes sense. Many of us, especially those who grew up with strong expectations around achievement, responsibility, or sacrifice, were not taught that joy could be a priority. We were taught to work hard first and enjoy life later. But later has a funny way of constantly moving further away. As a psychologist, I often hear people express regret that they spent years waiting for the "right time" to slow down, enjoy themselves, or do things simply because they brought them happiness.

Life is demanding. There will always be responsibilities, challenges, and reasons to postpone joy. And that is exactly why we have to intentionally make room for it. Maybe play looks like trying something creative without needing to be good at it. Maybe it means dancing in your kitchen, taking a walk without tracking your steps, cooking something new, laughing with a friend, or doing something that reminds you of who you were before you became so responsible.

You do not have to earn moments of lightness. You are allowed to experience joy simply because you are here.