Why It’s So Hard to Rest

Let's talk vacations.

I write this to you from Beirut, Lebanon, where I am from and where I am spending the next six weeks. My sister had her first baby a few days ago, and I am taking this time to be near my family. My days are spent helping with a precious newborn, and my nights are spent doing online therapy sessions with my stateside clients to ensure continuity of care, as well as completing IFS therapy training.

As such, even though I am technically out of town, I am taking a proper vacation come September. Working for myself, it has taken me many years to realize that I have not prioritized taking time off. It's far too easy to fit in a couple of sessions when you office from home, and it's far too fun doing workshops and speaking engagements to say no. I can see clients from across the Atlantic Ocean, and so I do. I can do workshops virtually, and so I do. I can juggle it all, and so I do.

Because it's become quite convenient to work, it has been easy for me to forget that my travels have not equated to actual time off. I recently realized that I worked during the last week of December, saw clients from Montana on the days in between gatherings when we lost a loved one, and propped up my laptop in many a hotel lobby to squeeze in workshop consultations with businesses.

As a psychologist, I often see this same pattern in the women I work with. Many are high achievers, and many are adult daughters of immigrants. They are incredibly capable, deeply responsible, and always the person others can rely on. Rest isn't just something they struggle to prioritize — it can actually feel uncomfortable.

When your sense of worth has become intertwined with being productive, helpful, or accomplished, slowing down can feel surprisingly unfamiliar. You might finally have a free afternoon only to feel restless, guilty, or like you should be doing something "more productive." The challenge isn't simply learning how to rest. It's learning to believe that rest doesn't have to be earned.

Research consistently shows that taking meaningful time away from work improves our mental and physical well-being. We return with more energy, greater creativity, and a renewed ability to engage with the things that matter most. Yet many of us continue to postpone rest until we're completely depleted. So, I've been trying to do things differently.

Instead of waiting until I feel burned out, I'm learning to take time away because I'm human, not because I've reached my limit. I often tell clients that we don't wait until a plant is dry and brittle before watering it. We care for it consistently so it can continue to thrive. And I believe we're meant to treat ourselves the same way.

Whether your version of rest is a vacation across the world, an afternoon with your phone turned off, or an evening where no one needs anything from you, I hope you give yourself permission to receive it. Not because you've earned it, but because you need it.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have some very garlicky, very lemony Lebanese food waiting for me.